There’s a lot of fussing when it comes to relationships anymore.. what surprises me the most is the lack of learning from your mistakes. Let me make something clear, you might meet someone and it works out but for others that don’t it’s okay to admit you aren’t ready for something. Do not let the world pressure you into thinking that you need a relationship to satisfy your desires. Why you might ask? Because it’ll end badly. 1-2 year relationships crumble when all you care about is the physical aspects and lust. Each of us can give our rendition of complaints. But what about your lesson to be learned? Do you care? Some just wanna ignore it happened and move on, but where’s the lesson to be learned if you do that? Others are stuck in the hamster wheel still running because we’re still making excuses for that one person we have been on and off again with for years and for some darn reason we don’t know why it won’t work. Many more simply just wanna have a date list.. imma date this guy/girl then if this fails I have my back ups and if that fails I have another to back up the back up. A cycle, that does nothing but make you careless and heartless to the person you’re doing it to.
The stigma surrounding relationships is that of which Hollywood and TV shows try to paint for us to believe that everything will be perfect or that you somehow need to have everything in order before you’re ready to make such a commitment.. if that were the case many of you would not be dating period because you can never have everything under control or together. The stigma still stands though because many try to apply the fantasies we see on TV or movies and some wonder why it never works.. why they always get hurt. Let me make it clear that you will get hurt and how you handle that hurt speaks a lot. if you push everyone away and vow to never date again, where’s the lesson to be learned in that? Protecting yourself from future hurt? how do you know the future? how can you prevent something that hasn’t happened? You can put your guard up but all it does is make the other person you’re with feel as if they aren’t enough or that no matter what they say or do you’re still in the back of your mind banking on it at some point turning south then when it does turn south you’ve already got the exit marked cause you’ve rehearsed this line many times. Trust is earned.. not something you spill overnight or in 2 weeks. Being open takes time not minutes or a few days. Relationships have reached a point in today’s day that everyone likes the idea of a good guy or girl but they never hold to that idea and wind up chasing the total opposite getting hurt, then vowing to quit dating cause everyone is the same. Let’s clear the air here, not everyone is the same. Something we fail to see in our anger at guys or girls is that sex isn’t everything. Basing your entire relationship on “the sex is great” does not mean your soulmates. It also does not guarantee they’ll stick by your side but some bank on that. The even more baffling part is when you get someone pregnant then leave. Why can’t you take responsibility for your actions? You know what causes that and yet did it so, man up! Earlier I mentioned about a lot of us have complaints about relationships and a lot of that stems from experiencing it or it happening to friends or family. What we do not realize is this doesn’t get solved with anger towards men or women. Anger seems like a solid reaction to this but all it does is turn you bitter towards not just one person but a whole gender. That solves nothing but adds more hatred into the world. I know you are thinking well then why is it so bad for me to be angry.. I am heartbroken after all. If we sat down and thought before we spoke instead of just lashing out it’d be less angry. Being angry only makes you bitter.
Lastly, we ignore red flags due to our lust. Instead of seeing red flags as signs we excuse them. Why? Because we are so head over hills that we do not see it. Having someone who accepts you for you is great. But why do you want them to change? Why can’t you accept them like they do you and as soon as they call you out on it.. they’re no longer “different”. Lot of relationships are one sided and that’s not okay. One person going all whereas the other isn’t even trying or they’ve got one foot out the door is not okay. Working it out is a uncommon thing. We view agreeing to disagreeing as a red flag to breakup. Question, why are you still with someone if you would rather be with someone else? Better yet, if you’re in a serious relationship and having the thought of “what if there is another out there” there’s a reason why that’s a “what if” and not a “there is”. We’ve generated this idea that we’ve wasted time being with someone that maybe we should’ve let go a while ago but really we were scared to address it and that’s understandable. But your time with that person wasn’t wasted, you grew and learned but now you’re realizing that you want more. You wanna explore more, it’s not that the person you were with was terrible or anything it’s just you’ve grown tired of the same ole same ole. But the common mistake here is the fact we try to remain close to that previous person and all it does is ruffle our feelings and make us stressed out because on one hand we still got feelings and on the other we wanna move on.
I am no relationship guru, I can be wrong. Just because I type something doesn’t make it all facts or unarguable or not open to discussion. I welcome discussion actually. But listen, if you wanna go do new things don’t time limit yourself. If you want to move on, do it. If you try to remain under the wing all you’re doing is chaining yourself down along with making justifications for it. I understand it might’ve been months or years but let go. It’s not gonna be easy but the only way you’ll ever know is if you fully take that limb and walk out. I’ve seen too many with a imprisoned mindset who get stuck in the “but what ifs” or the “he/she might be the only one” which is false cause clearly they aren’t if you’re wanting something more. Think about it, relationships aren’t easy never will be. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions. Sometimes that tough decision involves letting go and moving on. Stay strong! Don’t give up and take the time to learn the lesson in the pain and struggle.