Giving in or letting go of a Relationship

It’s very common these days for people to want to be in a relationship, not a bad thing, but where it becomes an issue is we get hurt and instead of learning from it we just jump right into another relationship. Not only are we avoiding the hurt, but we’re avoiding the lesson to be learned from what happened. It’s like we refuse and the more we do it the more we are gonna care less about anyone or even our own feelings. Yes, these days it is very common to look around and see everyone you know happy and smiling and in a relationship. Then it hits you, what about me? Where’s the person to make me happy? Where’s the person I can share these special moments with? We get that brief moment of sadness and loneliness, we’ve all had it happen to us at some point. Whether we want to confirm or deny it. A lot of times though, we let that get to us and we go on this search. We look under rocks and in bushes searching for what we call “Mr/Mrs Right.” Let me be the first to tell you I don’t believe in “the one” I don’t believe there is someone just out there waiting for you. I solemnly believe that we meet someone and it either works or doesn’t. But I will say you will know when you’ve met that someone (as I type this as a single male). You will know but the stigma and fantasy we’ve created, ladies, that there is some man on a white horse wearing shiny armor and he is so dreamy and he has everything we see in a guy. Dudes, there is no such thing as a perfect woman and ladies there is no such thing as a perfect dude. No matter who you meet, there will be something about them but it’s not gonna be the dividing point between you. The foolish thing that seems to be a reoccurring theme is people date, get married, without even getting to know each other and really the only thing they’ve shared is intimacy with one another and they’ve not even bothered to get know one another. When all you explore is sex with each other and you base that off whether you’ll get married or not it is no shock that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Not very happy to hear is it? But it’s true, there is a 50/50 that your marriage is gonna workout. Let’s step away from that statistic for a moment.

I wanna talk to you about the factor of you can either get to know yourself better or you can just jump into relationships just cause and not have any serious intent. Let be the one to say that if you don’t take relationships seriously, you shouldn’t be in one. Let me also make clear that if you can’t maintain a stable relationship, then you probably shouldn’t be in one. It’s all the rave these days to have “friends with benefits” but let me explain something to you here, you don’t really maintain a “friendship” with the person you’re sleeping with. There’s more to it than that. That person you’re sleeping with, you’re sharing a special moment with that originally was meant to be shared after marriage. which is the whole point of marriage for you to share your intimate moment with that one person. Before you condemn me and say i’m judging those who haven’t done that, i’m not. I’m simply stating what happens each time you share an “intimate” moment with someone. Would you also be surprised to know that gradually over time you feel nothing if you just went around sleeping around? So that’s why most men or women who do, do that don’t really “feel” anything emotion wise cause it’s something they do like a habit so they have no “special” feeling towards the person they’re with. But here’s where change things a bit, my reason behind this is for you to ask yourself “Am I actually ready for such a commitment or do I need to get things together in my life?” Let me express to you that if your excuse for not dating is “things aren’t perfect,” spoiler alert! Things are never gonna be perfect. Life is gonna throw you curve balls. Things are gonna pop up. You’re gonna face some difficult times even in or not in a relationship. But the beauty of it is, if you’re in a relationship you can come out of that struggle stronger and a better couple. But the common issue is, we push away the other to go “handle it.” Let me also add that if you two get married, and you have to push away so you can “handle it” it’s not healthy on your relationship or marriage.

My title for this “giving in or letting go of a relationship” because people don’t know how to do either (myself included) from experience I learned the hard way.  We either jump into something with no serious intent or we break up then immediately start looking again. We take no time to ourselves to learn, grow, and not make the same mistake or have the same problem again. For some us, we keep having the same issue in a relationship and we wonder “why, me!?” Maybe if we took the time to ourselves and realized the problem was and has been re-occurring for quite sometime and the solution has been there but we’ve been avoiding it, we wouldn’t be asking why. Secondly, we make the big mistake of saying “i love you” within a week of dating or we just say to be saying it. I love you has become one of those things we just say and no longer has that special feeling when said. We given it so many definitions it’s crazy. We run high on emotions and say things we shouldn’t only to wake up the next day to see what we’ve said and we then realize what we said wasn’t at all serious. I caution you not to say empty words to him or her cause in the end IT WILL bite you in the butt. We keep running into this issue of he really likes her but she is interested in someone else or its vice versa. The problem with it? We fail to be honest for fear of hurting them. Another spoiler, No matter how nice you try to break it to them it is still gonna hurt but it will hurt less if you tell them immediately and not weeks, months, or years making them think they have a chance. We fail to be honest and we feel the need to just throw our problems on someone hoping it gets fixed but when it doesn’t we up and leave the person. Here’s where people get it wrong about relationships, he or she is not gonna fix your problems. Take a look at the bigger picture here, Here we have a guy who has some struggles and here we have a lady who has some struggles. They seek to date each other, along that relationship they may come across struggles but they should do it together not one handle it themselves. Let me just add if you’re putting your all into something and the other isn’t someone needs to tell you or you need to tell yourself to wake up cause in no way is that right nor healthy. The problems these two had separately they can help one another with, by encouraging or showing care. Doesn’t have to be “you need to do this, this, and this” sorta thing. Although some of us are very stubborn and we have to be told that.

My last point is this, when it comes to a relationship don’t jump the gun and  think you need one to be happy. You can be single and be happy (contrary to what most believe). It’s not miserable, it doesn’t suck either. Chances are if you think being single boring then being in a relationship is gonna be boring to you too. Cause you’re unhappy about something about yourself and if you don’t take the time to yourself to find out things about yourself and examine yourself and change things in your life to be the best you can be. Then relationships are gonna be seen to you as more of a burden then a good thing. Relationships are great if you take them seriously. If you don’t then they’re very short lived and we are often times unhappy with what happens and point fingers at one another over what happened. Take it serious, don’t jump the gun, and be careful not to say something you shouldn’t. If you aren’t ready, don’t pressure yourself to do something you know you aren’t ready for.