Plagued Thoughts

It’s a moment in time where we act on something we shouldn’t. For men & women too, that is lust. We can deny it ten thousand times, but who are we really fooling? That moment where, we act upon something getting caught up in the moment only to realize what we did. Lust is quite the tricky lady.. battle it yourself & you’ll fail. We fail, we seek forgiveness, but why are we stuck in this cycle? Why do we suddenly feel like a hamster in a wheel unable to stop and when we stop we get flung out? Heart blackened.. mind corrupted why do we think such disturbing things and cater to these images and videos knowing it leads down a path of lustful intent. It changes so much of our entire being without us knowing or even realizing it until it’s often too late. In a society that defines lust as love it’s not easy.. it doesn’t make it any easier when others tempt you to do such things. Plague.. darkness.. why is it just when I think you’ve vanished you come back and put me back in my place? Maybe instead of fighting on our own we should reach out to you God.

Somewhere in our being we feel the need to go at it alone, but this isn’t something simply solved by simply ignoring it or acting as if it’s not there. It will bring you to your knees and yet we still even ignore it. We chase it, want it, desire it, our hearts cater to it if we are not focused on Christ & denying self daily. God, why do we think walling you out is the solution? Is it due to the guilt? Knowing we did wrong & yet the mere fact you see all things means if we come to you it means admitting we were wrong? Admitting to you years of perverse & lust or porn takes some serious courage & strength because it is not easy. Don’t let the world convince you that it’s cool or okay.. cause it’s not nor is it “normal” to do these things. This mind is plagued.. thoughts are darkened by the junk we keep watching & clicking. This mind.. can be freed & cleansed but we take the bait every time and eventually become so used to it.. we eventually see no wrong and it longer makes us feel bad. The moment it no longer affects us, should not be a moment of celebration. This mind, the more we search.. the more we chase.. Lust doesn’t make relationships easy.. that lust you feel isn’t love. Because the moment you cater to it, the opposite of what you actually think happens. Satisfaction is but a moment before you’re back & wanting more. She will entice you.. tease you.. she tells you it’s harmless.. it’s okay.. she’s leading you to a path of darkness but this feeling feels so good, how can it be wrong or sinful? Oh God, i’ve fallen so many times it’s like I have this cloud around me constantly making me feel terrible about those times I messed up. I’ve sought you out God, but Satan keeps playing this game of “guilt trip” with me and I keep screaming go away.. trying to handle it on my own.. I try to walk away.. but it’s like he keeps following me.. reminding me… wait? he told me that you may not love me cause of this? Is this true God? Please do not let it be! I’ve made mistakes.. I’ve messed up so many times.. those thoughts plague me and if it be true, sometimes I find it totally justifiable but in you I am forgiven. Satan enjoys this game.. this is my weakness.. and in you I want to fortify this wall.. I want to make it a strength. Because I know in you, I can do all things.. But Lord forgive me for sometimes.. what Satan says is so slick so deceiving and yet so enticing it feels right.. and this is not my justification but my plea to say I know I will still struggle with this probably for the rest of my life. But, this is my stand.. this is my turning point. You are not alone in your struggle.. the struggle may guilt you.. hurt you.. even make you feel EVERYTHING you do not want.. but brothers & sisters.. PRAY.. read Scripture, and apply and even when you stumble.. Seek God. God bless!

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